Gaming – Why I Avoid Multiplayer

It would be nice to lie here, and say that I don’t play multiplayer because of technical issues, taste in strategy, etc. But I try to be honest, and the truth is:

Online multiplayer is pretty much the anti-thesis of fun for anybody who isn’t hardcore, and any game developer or publisher making it the centerpiece of their game deserves a kick to the nards.

Now, multiplayer in the same room I’m all for: I’m avid “Rock Band” player among other things. There’s nothing as fun as four friends playing a game together in the same room. But first of all, those games are often pretty simple: “Goldeneye 007” remains beloved because of the multiple modes of multiplayer. How many people just made the Klobb or the laser the only weapon and went to town? Similarly, if two people are drinking beer and gaming, they’re generally playing something like Tekken or Need for Speed.

However, game publishers hate that shit. That means four people are playing one copy of a $60 game. They want you to only play online, where four people have spent a collective $240 on the game, which is why the insane emphasis on online multiplayer.

Here’s the problem: the kind of people you inevitably meet on multiplayer are the kind of people who do almost nothing but game. I used to be one of those people, and hey, everybody needs a hobby. That doesn’t mean I have to pay $60 for the privilege of being cannon fodder.

This isn’t about sportsmanship, I should note. I know plenty of avid gamers who are gracious both in winning and in losing. That’s not really the issue. Although I should hasten to add that the Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory has no greater proof of concept than XBox Live.

But I just don’t have the time, or for that matter the desire, to get good enough to play multiplayer. I don’t want to learn the nuances of cooking grenades, or what weapon works best in what scenario. I want to have fun. Memorizing things and doing grunt work is boring, period.

Finally, there’s the fact that getting your ass thoroughly kicked by a human being is far more enraging than even a cheating computer doing it, and doing it over an Internet connection somehow makes it worse. Again, this isn’t a matter of sportsmanship; it’s just a matter of human nature. There’s nothing people hate worse that getting their ass thoroughly kicked, no matter how gracious the winner is. The fact remains that you were little more than a punching bag, and who the hell enjoys that?

So, while I’ll gladly friend people on Home, I plan to keep my multiplayer a strictly in-person affair. And I think multiplayer modes are better for it.

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3 Responses to “Gaming – Why I Avoid Multiplayer”

  1. Sam Says:

    I mostly agree, but I will say one thing:

    Who the hell used the Klobb? The Klobb SUCKED.

    License to Kill, Slappers Only was the way to go. Everyone in the room suddenly became Bruce Lee.

  2. seitzeeing Says:

    That’s why you used the Klobb. It was hilarious, at least for a couple of matches, to use what amounted to a slingshot.

    Then you flipped over to grenade launchers.

  3. Drew Says:

    Seriously. Klobb ruled for multi-player matches. You might as well run and spin circles while firing off those 20 rounds.

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