Gaming – A Brief Summary of My First Experience as a PS3 Owner

12/23 – Receive PS3 as a Christmas gift from my loving girlfriend.

12/28 5:31pm – Arrive at Best Buy. Am immediately accosted by no fewer than two associates looking to recommend me games. I’m polite, but hopefully communicate “You have less grasp of my taste in games than Jack Thompson”.

12/28 5:49pm – $55 for a controller? $80 for an HDMI cable? Do I get my blowjob with purchase or is that redeemable for when the sluttier associate comes in? I’m out of here.

12/28 6:03pm – Go to GameStop; they have “Stranglehold” used, which has “Hard-Boiled” on the game disc. Even a total lack of quality in the game will make up for owning “Hard-Boiled” for ten bucks.

12/28 6:09pm – Am reminded why I never go to GameStop: some annoying ten-year-old bastard is desperately searching for a used copy of something in the PS3 games and won’t budge, even for a polite request to stop for a moment so I can pick up the game I see right there. Would consider kicking him but his mother is right there.

12/28 6:12pm – Little bastard fails in his quest. He is disappointed. I take a dark pleasure until I realize that at the age of ten, I was probably twice as annoying. Introspection sucks. I get in the unusually long line.

12/28 6:13pm – Notice that the counter is not well staffed, there are five people in line, and some eighteen-year-old has apparently requested his receipt be printed in Sanskrit. Realization of precisely why I hate GameStop washes over me.

12/28 6:15pm – Am amused by a conversation behind me, which reminds me of my father complaining every time we went to a game store, between a son and his father. Then I realize the kid’s buying “Left 4 Dead 2”. My annoyance at America’s parents is confirmed.

12/28 6:20pm – Finally buy “Stranglehold” and a somewhat more reasonably priced $25 controller. The GameStop associate is in good humor despite what’s clearly an overwhelming desire to murder his customers. I realize I’m the only person in the line who has known exactly what he wanted and how he was going to pay for it.

12/28 6:30pm – Back at Best Buy: have realized I need games that a second human being can play.

12/28 6:40pm – After ten minutes of fruitless staring and realizing they lack most games that could reasonably be defined as fun, buy “Need For Speed: Carbon” and “Tekken 6”. Am pleased to discover the latter is $40, not $60.

12/28 7:00pm – 10:00pm – Food, Alaina, Mythbusters.

12/28 10:00pm – Insert all necessary plugs into PS3. Boot it up.

12/28 10:05pm – PS3 configured! Let’s play Tekken!

12/28 10:06pm – 10:30pm – Between software updates, trophy updates, and pleasuring elves, there is a distinct lack of Tekken.

12/28 10:30 – 10:40pm Play about five minutes of “Final Fight” on acid in between skipping cut scenes, including a recap of the last five Tekken games. Apparently the Tekken team think they’re artists now that “Dead Or Alive” has set a new lowest common denominator.

12/28 11:00pm – Quit Tekken after realizing the “Campaign” mode unlocks jack-shit and the important part, all 40 playable characters, are unlocked in “Offline” mode.

12/28 11:05pm – Plug in “Stranglehold”. Passable graphics, OK transfer, it’ll be fun mindless violence.

12/28 11:30pm – Plug in “Need for Speed: Carbon”.

12/28 11:45pm – Apparently all my life I have wanted to speed through urban areas in a Mazda hatchback, and didn’t know it.

12/28 11:55pm – Before shutting down the PS3, I try the new controller. It glows an obscene neon blue. Oh well. At least I’ve got a second controller.

12/28 11:59pm – System shut down. Tomorrow I buy a few more games and then rest for a while.


5 Responses to “Gaming – A Brief Summary of My First Experience as a PS3 Owner”

  1. freeiso Says:

    Trust me, Shift would have been a better choice then Carbon. Oh and you need to get some exclusives.

    • seitzeeing Says:

      Sadly, I had Best Buy and GameStop to work with. Neither, believe it or not, even had “InFAMOUS” in stock, so you see what I have to deal with here. Of course, nothing tops trying to find the frickin’ Orange Box for a reasonable price. $100 on Amazon? What the hell?

      • freeiso Says:

        lol, seriously?

        I live in like the middle of nowhere but I get access to early copies and easy access to games. Plus Infamous was the first game I got. If you plan on getting the Orange Box get it off Steam instead.

  2. Sam Says:

    Pretty sure the reason for the Orange Box being so expensive for the PS3 is that it’s out of print due to it being a miserable port. (Valve didn’t handle the PS3 port.) PC is a much better option, considering just about anything can run the Orange Box these days. Also, you can frequently get it off Steam for less than $10.

    I’d also recommend Brutal Legend, (it being my favorite game of 2009,) but the last person I recommended it to returned the game in disgust. Your mileage may vary. Just know in advance that you’re getting an action/RTS hybrid so you’re not surprised when the RTS bits pop up.

  3. Carolyn Says:

    As a GameStop employee (and huge gamer-nerd-girl) I’d just like to point out:

    Orange Box sells for like $10 offline, for PS3, used. But yes, it is a miserable port.

    Shift is not as good as previous NFS. Just a heads up.

    I highly recommend Borderlands for fun FPS/RPG/Co-op.

    Single player I’m all about the RPG’s so I’d suggest Dragon Age: Origins, but in order of system-awesomeness it goes PC, 360, and then PS3.

    Oh, and the no-staff was probably because (as with the end of every month) our (GameStop’s) hours were cut so badly. And now I’m rambling. I hope you’ve had more fun with your console since.

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