Politics – Fun With the Locals

Since I beat on the GOP for being a bunch of obstructionist, sulky little children all the time, I thought it’d be fun to switch things up and whale on a few Democrats.  And what better Democrats to whale on than the Democrats I actually get to vote for?  Here’s why I chose Michael Capauano to take over for Ted Kennedy…namely, the rest of the field.

Marth Coakley – Kind of the chosen, partially because of her contacts, partially because of her gender.  Unfortunately, her gender can’t quite cover up her participation in the “Satanic child abuse” hysteria back in the ’80s, which basically left a bunch of innocent people chucked in the hole and which Coakley tries really hard never to bring up.

Is this minor?  No, I don’t think so.  This was and is a major misstep and a huge problem, and Coakley ducked responsibility.  Which bugs me.  So hell no.

Alan Khazei – the Dennis Kuchinich of this particular race.  I like Khazei as a person; he started some major public service organizations and ideas and as a philanthropist, he’s a great guy. 

Also, my grandmother is less politically naive than he is.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, I like the guy, but anybody trying to compare Obama as community organizer to Khazei as community organizer is comparing apples to Martians.  Khazei just has not deal with national office on the same level as the rest of the race.

Steven Pagliuca – Did I say I wasn’t going to beat on any Republicans?  I forgot about this asshole.

Say what you will about Khazei, at least the guy’s dealt with politics.  Pagliuca’s big achievements in life are all in business, and he’s beating that “I’m going to run government like a business!” bible Massachusetts residents know all too fucking well.  We’ll deal with precisely what’s wrong with that in a later post, but to be honest, no, I do not trust the owner of the Celtics with political office.  He’s about as qualified as a kumquat.

And then I discovered he’s a friend and co-worker of the worst politician in a generation, Mitt…fucking…Romney.  Look it up, they were and are parters and buddies over at Mitt’s little money-laundering scheme.  While I’m sure he’s not a catspaw for Mittens…OK, I can’t say that with a straight face.  Mittens put him up to this, I’m sure of it.  And it’s all a naked political move to try and give Mitt the Zit an edge in his latest bid for political power (Mitt is kind of like Gollum when it comes to the Presidency: “I WANTS IT, MY PRECIOUSSSSSS!”).

So, yeah, I took great pleasure in voting for Capuano.  Why?

Well, for one thing, he’s actually a decent politician.  He listens to his constituents.  For another, he’s had a lot of experience on the national level, being a Congressional rep.  And finally, neither the Christian Coalition or U.S. English, two groups I can’t stand, like him one little bit.  He pulled a 0% and an F from them, respectively.

So, if you’re reading this, and you’re in Massachusetts, and you’re a Democrat, and you actually give a shit, vote Capuano.

I might as well talk about the Republican primary while I’m here, if for no other reason than to mourn what might have been.

The Republican primary, early on, was shaping up to be a real comedy.  Andy Card, who you might remember as a Bush tumor in the press department, was threatening to run for Senate, probably as a form of self-immolation since the entire state would run screaming the other way.  Sadly, he realized this and didn’t run.  Aw.

Next there was Charlie Baker, head of non-profit health insurer Harvard Pilgrim Health Care.  Charlie realized everybody hated the health insurance industry and he’d have to quit his job, so no run for him.

That leaves us with two Republican challengers, Scott Brown and Jack Robinson.  Both are kind of great because they’d both give the national GOP a big steaming ulcer.

Brown’s fairly moderate, pretty much what you’d expect from a Rotarian from Wrentham.  That said, the guy’s shown spine occasionally in the past, and I could see him giving the nationals a rash really, really fast.  But that’s nothing compared to Robinson.

Oh man, Robinson, where to begin with Robinson.  I love this guy for the Senate just for all the shit he’d stir up.  He’s probably the single most relentless tax/deficit hawk in the state, for one thing.  You just don’t GET more fiscally conservative than this guy.  But then there are his social views.

Basically, when it comes to social views, he’s so far to the left I think Michael Steele would read just one of his opinions and barf.

He has no chance, of course.  Even if he wins the primary, I’ll be surprised if the Democratic candidate doesn’t reduce the Republican candidate’s headquarters to a smoking crater.  It’s a liberal state and there’s a strong Democratic machine.

But, oh man, if he somehow does get to office?  C-SPAN will be a whole lot more fun.

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