So I finally got a load of the new trailer for “Avatar”, along with the rest of the Internet.
First things first, the next person who greets complaints about the story with “you need to see it in 3D” gets a punch to the balls. If the script blows, 3D isn’t going to do anything for it. And, as much as it kills me to say this, boy does this trailer make it look like this movie blows.
I have to ask, who really wrote this movie? Ed Zwick? This whole “going among the other culture and being their Jesus” is his usual shtick. No way James Cameron actually wrote this movie, with its cliche plot and cliche dialogue. I’m also wondering how nobody noticed this entire plot is essentially furry porn. Think about it: you go to sleep as a human, wake up as a way more awesome cat-man, meet a cat-chick, and bone. Seriously, hands up everybody who DOESN’T think Sam Worthington stays a cat-man at the end of the movie.
That’s about all I’m going to say about the trailer, aside from the fact that it feels the need to remind everybody of every hit James Cameron has ever made. Now let’s talk about its box office.
$600 million worldwide, at minimum. Probably more like $800 million. At the very least, this has the visual goods to be popular eye candy, and Cameron waited until “Titanic” was out of everybody’s mind, so people are rooting for him again. And $800 million is great in absolute terms.
Unfortunately, this movie cost anywhere between $250 million to $315 million to make. In fact, there are rumors going around that it cost $400 million, and that’s before advertising, prints, and all those other expenses. In fact, add those in and I’m not sure Fox is escaping with a price tag of less than $400 million all told.
In other words, “Avatar” is going to have to do “Dark Knight” level business to make money in theaters. My estimate means that if they’re REALLY lucky, they’ll break even. Yeah, yeah, Cameron made “Titanic”, but this isn’t “Titanic.” “Titanic” largely made its money on teenage girls going to see it forty times, and basically being a cheesy old-movie romance with a James Cameron disaster movie stapled on. Who’s going to show up and see “Avatar” forty times, aside from furries?
OK, one more bit about the trailer: the characters are cartoons, the dialogue is terrible, and the movie looks like furry porn crossed with “Ferngully”.
But that shot of the Snidely Whiplash bad guy casually drinking coffee as they fire missiles into a village is pretty damn cool.