Public Transit – Behind the Yellow Line, Goddamnit!

I have the fortune/misfortune to live in the Boston area, which is served by one of the oldest and most extensive public transit systems in America. I was also born in Washington D.C., and lived there for ten years, so I’m intimately familiar with bus etiquette, handling train times, and things like that. But there’s one thing that I will never get over, no matter what it is, no matter who does it.

And that’s the motherfucker who blocks the door.

This asshole comes in a thousand and one varieties, but there are two in particular on the MBTA: the guy who stands in front of the door on the train during rush hour, and the guy who stands at the front of the bus.

The first guy is not a nitpick: anybody who does this, and it’s invariably some fat fuck or a gangly teenager, is an asshole, period, no exceptions. My personal favorite is the guy who is on an empty train, stands in the door, and then puts his back to the door. He’s not just blocking your way: he’s actively ignoring you. He’s consciously choosing to make everybody’s life harder. Why, thank you for presenting me your kidneys! I believe I will jab you in them and let the rush hour commuters trample you. How considerate!

The worst part is this assholes have the nerve to look disgruntled. “Why the fuck do I have to move? What’s your problem?” My problem is that two pieces of matter can’t occupy the same space at the same time, asshole, because they’d probably explode. And in your case, the train delay would be worth it.

The second one just bugs me, and it’s bugged me for years. Partially it is, again, they’re being an inconsiderate asshole holding everybody up because they just have to lean there, but for me it’s got another layer.

Who the fuck stands, especially in an empty bus, at the front of the bus? What’s the point? It’s not comfortable. You can’t (or at least shouldn’t) talk to the driver. You’re in everyone’s way. You’re not even, especially on the MBTA, going to be the first one off the bus: that honor goes to whoever’s standing at the back door.

For me, standing at the front of the bus when you don’t have to is a symbol of the futility of self-centeredness. Or the focus of my rage whenever that motherfucker does that during rush hour, adding about eight minutes to my commute as everybody steps around his hoodie-and-British-Knights wearing ass. Mother FUCKER!

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