Gadgets – Oh God No. Please No. Anything but That.

Anything but “customized engine sounds” i.e. fucking car ringtones!

First of all, speaking as a pedestrian, this argument that people won’t hear it coming is retarded. It’s called “Look both ways before crossing the street.” This is something we learn in grade school. Granted, what I see in Boston daily makes me think people failed that part of kindergarten, and I’m sure I’ve pissed off my share of drivers. But still, Christ. This is like reading about those old laws where if you were driving a car a guy had to run in front of you with a flag, waving it to let everybody know.

Secondly, no. Just no. It’s bad enough bass cannons are legal and that we can’t castrate shitdicks who blast their stereos. Now we want to give them stereos on the OUTSIDE of their cars?

Oh, sure, the manufacturer may claim to “limit” the number of sounds. But we all know that’s a crock of shit. These are the same people who say they can’t make cars more fuel efficient than they are, even though Third World countries are doing better than us in fuel efficiency. They’ll do anything to make a buck, and even if they make a sincere commitment, people will hack the engine noise pronto.

Oh sure, the first time you see a Smart car making revving noises like an Impala, it’ll be hilarious. The eightieth time, you’ll literally sprint across traffic, drag the guy out of his car, and beat him. Or how about the legions of assholes who will, inevitably, hook up their iPods, so as to share their awful taste in music with the world. Imagine walking down a New York city street and being surrounded by what feels like a legion of ice cream trucks.

And then, of course, will come the speaker wars. Bigger speakers, better drivers, amplifiers, until it gets to the point that people will start getting fined for noise pollution.

So, no. Absolutely not. If that means grandmas and blind people get run over, that’s a small price to pay for something resembling peace and quiet.

Unless rocket launchers for pedestrians are legalized. Whole other ball game. In that case, bring it on.


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